From “bouncing back” to “losing the baby weight”, from unrealistic expectations to the ideal of the “perfect mother”…women are wildly disconnected from their bodies once they become Mothers (regardless of how it happens too). What could it mean for mothers to practice maternal bodyfulness? How could this serve as a feminist act of resisting patriarchal Motherhood?

So many Mothers feel validated in their understanding of what it means to be a mother today when they learn of Patriarchal Motherhood…but then they feel stuck in how to share it with their partner for support. Here is one attempt in getting the conversation started…

Have you ever found yourself trying so hard to be present and engaged with your child(ren), sitting on the floor, pretending to play with them, only to be thinking about a couple of emails you want to follow up on or the dishes in the sink or counting down the minutes until your partner gets home?

Resentment is NOT a fun feeling...but it is one of the most helpful and powerful tools to help you when you are feeling stuck or helpless in your mothering experience.

I have heard from many mothers that they feel they "lost" themselves in motherhood at one point or another. Before I explain the BIGGEST reason WHY so many mothers feel lost in motherhood, I think it is important to note that…I believe “getting lost” is an essential aspect to one’s “becoming”, her matrescence. There is something very different between feeling lost, like it is happening to you, powerless and helpless, and getting lost.

It's the behind the scenes of mothering; it's the physical, mental, emotional and logistical tasks, memory space and running to-do lists that go unseen and uncompensated that happen 24/7 in the minds and behaviors of mothers. It's like mothers have 100 open tabs in their brain computer at any given time. This is how they manage it all...this is how they keep it all going.

For the first time, the mother is finally feeling validated and normal in her experience simply by learning just this one word! And of course, now her desire is to share it with her partner with hopes that her partner will understand her experience too. So will he/she understand it? Maybe more broadly, but really deeply get it? Ehh, that might take some time; honestly…if ever.

Ambivalence is the cornerstone to one's matrescence and that in being a mother, it is both full of intense ups and downs, grief and joy and growth and challenge. It's the BOTH/AND I always talk about.
Educating on this concept of matrescence widens our conversation when it comes to supporting mothers, clinically and otherwise. They are no longer forced into boxes defined by a clinical diagnosis or a perfect-mother image on TikTok; they are the majority of mothers in the middle.

When a woman becomes a mother she is UNDONE and RE-DONE; she is LOST and the FOUND; she is DISORIENTED and then REORIENTED. To what, you might ask? That is for her to cultivate, create and fall into (with intention and design). If you aren’t already feeling validated in your experience by knowing there is a word to describe all the changes you have been feeling since becoming a mother…here is more.

Mothers feel like they're failing all over the place. That's pretty much baseline these days. The work-from-home mama, however, is apologizing right, left and center for feeling like she's failing her children and her employer. She's a big disappointment all around.

In my years supporting women along their conception journey and mothers all throughout motherhood, one thing has become abundantly clear. There is a cycle to our becoming. While each stage might look a bit different for each of us, we each have an ebb and flow to every season of motherhood; each one leaving us touched and changed than ever before.

The thing is, so many people equate rest with laziness or feel guilty when they aren’t being productive. They think that these moments of “rest” are worthless and wasted. But rest IS being productive, Mama. It’s restorative. It’s regenerative. It’s the gas in your tank.

There is a Danish word that describes this philosophy of “being”, this practice of living, so perfectly. It’s referred to as “Hygge”, pronounced “hoo-ga”. It means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people around you; slowing down enough to be present in the moment. It’s all the warms and fuzziness that is the “good” in mothering.

Motherhood has moments of loneliness for all of us. However, no matter how comfortable we are with this way of living, we also feel that deep in our bones something is missing; we can feel it. Humans are hard-wired for connection.

Matrescence is the profound shift from woman to mother that impacts her in every facet of her life. Knowing this one word has the power to completely change how you think about yourself as a mother.

Setting boundaries with our families can be such a tricky and confusing road to navigate especially once you are already with baby in arms. (Best to be as proactive as possible, if possible.) We’re all too often stuck in a pattern/dynamic with our family that we’ve agreed to over the years (even without knowing), that once we become Mamas, might not fit us appropriately anymore. We’ve outgrown it and it's time for a change.

When a man becomes a father, he experiences patrescence. Sure, he didn’t go through pregnancy, experience all the hormones and changing body, nor did he give birth, but whoa…his life has turned upside down too, leaving him feeling all the feelings, no doubt.

When you become pregnant and embark on your more visible motherhood/parenting journey...your values become under a spotlight and suddenly you can't hide them as much anymore. Here's the thing...if you can identify the "why" you are mothering the way you are, you might find yourself more confident in your decisions and less likely to second-guess yourself.

We’re two years into this pandemic and we’re burned out. We’re exhausted. We just want “normalcy” again. We’re sad, grieving and fed up. It isn’t okay anymore. It’s okay to not be okay with this anymore too. This is NOT what any of us ever imagined mothering would be like.

For a new mother, overwhelmed by her emotions and experience, asking “How are you?” might be just the out she needs to not talk about her real feelings. Try these questions instead.