You're Not a Bad Mom: The Pandemic and Motherhood 2 years later

If you or your child gets COVID, you are NOT a BAD Mama.

Before I proceed, let’s name the elephant in the room…

COVID has us divided in so many ways. This isn’t to make a statement one way or the other. I can’t (and won’t) judge you for what you are doing to mother in a way that feels most right, safe and true to you. You are doing a DAMN good job taking care of your family and I respectfully applaud you in your resilience throughout the last couple of years. No matter what that has looked like for you, it is essential that we acknowledge that we’ve all chosen different paths and view “safety” in personal and complex ways. While we might not see eye-to-eye on what “safety” looks like for all of us, we need to work together to find common ground, shared respect and mutual understanding so we can move forward into a safer and healthier world for ALL.

Now…here’s what I wanted to share…

Mama, this is the truth. You are doing all you can, like you have been. There is very little else you can do to ensure 100% safety and ZERO risk.

There are NO good options or choices. You are stuck in so many ways. 

We’re two years into this pandemic and we’re burned out.

We’re exhausted. We just want “normalcy” again. We’re sad, grieving and fed up. It isn’t okay anymore. It’s okay to not be okay with this anymore too. 

This is NOT what any of us ever imagined mothering would be like. COVID has taken so much…from lives to shared experiences to creating new memories. This pandemic hasn’t allowed for the “village” as we thought it would be with limited play dates for our growing children and restrictions on meeting up with new mama friends. We haven’t been able to take the traditional photos with the ones we love due to “keeping our distance”. We’ve missed out on hugs, first steps, and first days of school. We’ve missed out on holidays, birthday parties and weddings. 

We’re grieving and honestly, traumatized. 

We’ve sacrificed time and time again to do our part to keep our children safe and our families healthy. You’ve experienced loss in such profound and intangible ways. 

Mothering has not been what you ever imagined it would be. 

And growing up as a baby and a child in this pandemic is not at all what our little ones deserve either. 

But this is where we’re at, Mama. 

And you need to know…

YOU ARE AN AMAZING MAMA. 

NO MATTER HOW YOU HAVE KEPT YOUR FAMILY SAFE…YOU'VE DONE WHAT BEST AND RIGHT FOR YOU AND THEM. 

YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING “WRONG” IF YOU’VE BEEN DOING WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. 

YOU CAN ONLY PROTECT SO MUCH AND SO FAR. YOU’VE DONE ALL YOU CAN.

YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB AT NAVIGATING AN INCREDIBLY CHALLENGING SITUATION. 

YOU ARE NOT FAILING; THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE FEAT. 

If YOU or your BABY/CHILD gets COVID…you are NOT a BAD MAMA. 

The guilt is real. I get it. But to a very large degree, you can’t control for this one. We have to make choices and in those moments, we are doing the right thing for us. Sure, there might be some uncertainty in those decisions and we might go off a whim and a prayer, fingers crossed it’s the right call…AND…if the outcome is less than we hoped for…that’s okay too. Because in today’s world, we don’t have ANY 100%, fail-proof options. There’s risk no matter what you choose. 

I’ll end with this…some quick trauma education…

You are not the “problem” in this situation. COVID is. 

In the world of trauma, we ask “What happened to you?” we don’t say “What’s wrong with you?”. We acknowledge that our responses are normal when we look at the experience that we’ve encountered. When we experience a trauma, we can feel utterly out of control and therefore our go-to is to try and control everything we can…yet this one…to a large degree is uncontrollable. 

Mama…you’ve been surviving a global pandemic. That’s a traumatic experience. So to feel sad, angry, fearful, exhausted, burned out, crazy, out of control and over it…is all to be expected. That’s a damn normal response to such an abnormal event we’re navigating constantly. There is no “break” from COVID…this trauma is constant and persistent. 

There is nothing wrong with YOU. You are living during a global pandemic and mothering in an impossible situation AND doing an amazing job. 

So keep those affirmations close by and minimize the expectations you are placing on yourself right now. 

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PS. If life feels TOO much right now (because it is) AND you find yourself struggling to a level that you can’t pull yourself out of…reach out for help. Find a mental health professional or a doctor that can listen and connect you with resources to better help you during this incredibly challenging time. You deserve it.