Work Hard. Play Hard.
But where is “rest hard” in all of that? We need REST, especially right now, Mama.
They say “work hard, play hard” but where is “rest hard”?
Hustle culture and burnout
Ugh…if that one saying, those four words, don’t sum up our modern day burn-out culture or what?! Our society values hard work, productivity and achievement. It’s the goal, isn’t it? Have a better career, bigger house, nicer car? Send our kids to the best schools, feed them organic meals…the #goals keep us going and going and going…we prove our worth by what we have and what we achieve.
Sure, maybe this saying was intended for general life goals, but it is absolutely true for motherhood, no?
We work hard; damn do we ever. We strive to be “everything” to everyone and do it all with a smile and gratitude “because we are so lucky!”. We monitor screen time, ensure an ample amount of socio-emotional activities, respond to our children with nothing but respect and gentleness and work towards showing them what self-care looks like while simultaneously showing them that we can crush our career goals too. Cue intensive mothering and the perfect mother myth.
So. Much. WORK.
Yet then we turn around and desire to show them a fun and joyful life too. Cue the “play hard”.
We want them to know that “mama knows how to have fun too!”...so watch me (Mama), as I smile amidst my anxiety and the grind. Watch me give of myself in playing with you while my mind is somewhere else. I’ll keep you busy with activities and show up to support you in them all. Yes! Mama knows how to play with YOU and…
She also knows play = self-care. So we push hard to take time for ourselves, hang out with friends and fill our already full schedule with “self-care” activities. Playing somehow becomes another “should”; another filler of our precious time.
When we strive for self-care and in turn it feels more like another “to-do”, another teaching moment, another “should”...it no longer is true, deep care for ourselves. It’s another expectation and these expectations are what’s killing us (dark, but true).
We need to add REST. We need to learn to “rest hard”.
The thing is, so many people equate rest with laziness or feel guilty when they aren’t being productive. They think that these moments of “rest” are worthless and wasted.
Why rest in motherhood matters.
But rest IS being productive, Mama. It’s restorative. It’s regenerative. It’s the gas in your tank.
Rest is not another “should”. It need not be on your to-do list. It needs to be an integral part of your everyday. It is a HAVE too.
You don’t want to look back on your life and say “I lived a productive life. I hustled to the finish line.” Wouldn’t you rather look back and cherish all the moments of just being with the ones you love? Isn’t that what really fills you up, Mama?
How to rest in motherhood.
So how do you rest, Mama? How do you turn off? How do you “just be”?
Is it…
The walk with no destination?
The good novel you finally pick up?
The weekend spent without guilt in your pajamas?
The ordering dinner out because it just sounds good?
The blanket fort on a rainy day?
The pottery you finally spin at the local art shop?
The journal pages you finally fill?
The new recipe you decide to try?
An unintentional nap?
Look, Mama. We are human beings, not human “doings”.
These moments of rest, these unplanned, unexpected moments, these moments filled with connection, togetherness and fun…they are worth their weight in GOLD.
They are the anecdote to the burnout; well, not entirely but partially (there’s a lot more to unpack there.
Re-evalute what you determine as lazy, unproductive or a day wasted “doing” nothing.
Because is…
Connecting with yourself and your family
Spending time being cozy
Exploring new hobbies that bring you joy
Loving on your little ones
Really doing nothing? Is it really unproductive?
No, no, Mama. It’s where it’s at.
Go turn off. Go just “be”. Push yourself to actually “do” nothing.
See what happens. I bet you’ll in the midst of doing “nothing” you’ll feel even more fulfilled.
Ironic, isn’t it?
PSST. (And while we’re on it…can we just do away with the “hard” in the whole “work hard, play hard” notion all together? Can we say “work some, play some and rest some”? Nothing has to be “hard”. That’s just too much. “Some” feels gentler, less pressure. Let’s do that.)
