You are running on fumes, Mama
being emotionally available happens, but not nearly as often as you'd like.

You’re running near empty, Mama. It’s time to fill up your tank before you stall out.

Each day feels a bit of a struggle without any end in sight. And you push yourself to keep going because that is what any “good mother” would do, but there is little joy in this experience and you deeply yearn for it to feel different.

You’re tapped out, touched out and burned out most of the time; motherhood is not how you imagined it would be. You yearn for more quality time with your children, but when you have the opportunity, you’re too tired, frustrated and spent.

It seems you are getting by, but not in a way that feels good to you. You are probably feeling like you are “missing something” and that you thought motherhood would be easier than it is.

You know self-care is important but making the time for it feels like a constant tug of war and it often falls to the wayside. Maybe your relationship needs some tweaking too as the roles feel a bit unequal and at times resentment builds up for you. You know that you want to get back to the hobbies that used to bring you joy, but finding time for them feels like another to-do. You know what they are, just haven’t done them.

I get it! When we preach self-care to mamas, it becomes another task, not joy. And those moments of rage happen more frequently than you would like these days, yet you are aware it is there for a reason and you desire to understand it so it doesn’t keep happening. The guilt is over the top sometimes and you have trouble shaking it.

It’s rare that you can spend quality time with your kids/partner and not feel distracted by the long to-do list or a deep desire to just be by yourself. You are tapped out, touched out and burned out 75% of the time.

Mama, you are surviving and it feels way too much. You desire joy and confidence in yourself and let me tell you, you deserve it. Mothering in our modern motherhood culture is nearly impossible. The constant striving for perfection and doing it all with a smile is paralyzing. You aren’t failing, our society hasn’t set you up to succeed, Mama. Here’s the thing, you aren’t alone in this, 80% of mothers report burnout these days.

Do you feel emotionally checked out?

When you are emotionally unavailable, it is because you have nothing left to give. You have given everything away.

Yet, in motherhood, you are always needed and something always needs to be done so you are always feeling the pressure to pour from an empty cup. But it’s easy to resent the fact that you “need” to keep pouring when you have nothing left which leads to anger and mom rage.

So in the state of hopelessness, helplessness and complete overwhelm, you shut down. Cue being emotionally unavailable. You check out or you rage those are pretty much your only options when you are this empty. And I know this is not the way you want to show up for yourself, your kids or your partner. The guilt is big and the sadness that this is “life” is deep.

For your own reference, let’s define emotional availability.

Being emotionally available refers to a person's ability to connect and engage with others on an emotional level. It means that they are open and receptive to experiencing and expressing their own emotions, as well as being empathetic and understanding of others' emotions.

It relates to how you show up for your kids, your partner and yourself.

Key aspects of emotional availability:

  • Emotionally available individuals have a good understanding of their own emotions. They are in touch with their feelings, can identify and acknowledge them, and are comfortable expressing them when appropriate.

    Chances are, Mama, that you are really disconnected from yourself these days. You might be feeling numb, completely overwhelmed and hopeless as a baseline, which means it’s time to invest in reconnecting with yourself so you can begin to grow your own understanding of your experience.

  • Emotionally available people are able to effectively communicate their emotions to others. This involves expressing their needs, desires, and concerns openly and honestly, while also actively listening and validating the emotions of others.

    When you are this low and tapped out, Mama, you probably don’t always have the words to use to describe your needs, wants and struggles. It’s time to take steps to better understand and talk about your needs.

  • Emotionally available people are empathetic and compassionate. They can put themselves in others' shoes, understanding and sharing their feelings. They offer support and understanding when someone else is going through a challenging time.

    This might be you, Mama, just not so recently. You find yourself snapping, raging and rolling your eyes at the littlest things. You simply have NO space for any empathy towards others or yourself. maybe it is time to practice self-compassion to rebuild your capacity for empathy.

  • Being emotionally available requires a willingness to be vulnerable. It means being open and transparent about one's thoughts and feelings, even if it feels uncomfortable or exposes them to potential emotional risks.

    This is a BIG one, Mama and chances are you dont feel comfortable being vulnerable when you are feeling this burned out.

    We often think of asking for help as a sign of failure or weakness, so instead, power through (which has led to this space you’re in).

    It’s time to unpack WHY asking for help is so hard, who you can ask for help and start having some honest and real conversations with your partner, friends and most importantly, yourself.

  • While emotionally available individuals are open to connecting with others emotionally, they also have healthy emotional boundaries.

    They can maintain a sense of self and separate their emotions from others', ensuring they don't become overwhelmed or enmeshed in someone else's emotional state.

    Mama, you have probably tried SO hard to be so emotionally available to your children that you have taken all of their emotions on, held space for them, so much so, that you have forgotten all about yourself.

    You probably don’t practice much self compassion so when those mom rage moments happen, the guilt is huge.

    It’s time to increase the self-compassion, allow yourself space to mess up and give yourself the space to process the challenges that come with mothering.

  • Emotional availability is not just about occasional moments of openness; it also involves consistency in emotional engagement.

    Emotionally available individuals are consistently receptive to emotional connections and make an effort to maintain them over time.

You aren’t alone, Mama. 

While this brief synopsis might have hit home a bit, and maybe it feels a bit heavy for you to read it can be the motivation you need to begin to do some things differently for yourself. First things first, motherhood is hard and mothering is work.

You’re not alone in your experience this way.

Here are some general suggestions, again, remember this is not personalized to your situation specifically and is not intended to be clinical advice. Always consult your doctor before implementing any of these ideas. 

Here are some things
you can do:

Assess your village: write out a list of people in your village.

Have three circles: an inner circle (people closest to you), a middle one and an outer one. Identify who is in each circle, why and what they bring to your life. Get clear on who fills what purpose for you. Then think of who you can ask for help. Who can you talk with vulnerably? Who can watch your child? Who can go for a walk with you?  Begin to build your village up. Here’s an article I wrote for Motherly that might be useful to you too.

Here’s an article I wrote for Motherly that might be useful to you too.

Consider professional support.

Look, I am one and I go to therapy myself!

I offer matrescence coaching, you can discover more information about how I could support you here.

If you can find one that clicks with you and you vibe with, it can make all the difference. Find one that specializes in maternal mental health too. You can find support at postpartum.net. 

Start by doing ONE thing for yourself every day.

If it’s a shower (although some people would say that isn’t necessarily “self-care”), do it. If it’s a walk outside, do it. If it’s calling a friend, do it. I know you have a lot to do; I know you feel too tired. But sometimes, doing ONE thing for yourself has the potential to begin changing how you see yourself. You are worthy and deserving.

Have an honest and frank conversation with the people around you.

Talk about expectations regarding your roles as partners and parents. Get clear on what you want your role to be as a mother, partner and the contributions you make to the home. Sometimes resentment can build up when we just keep going, feeling frustrated about assumptions made of us, and never talk about changing it.

Practice self-compassion.

Suffering is part of being human; we all have bad days and hard moments on a good day! Try to ask yourself “What would I tell a friend if they were in my shoes?”. Also practice telling yourself, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I am learning.” 

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore more of this, I strongly encourage you to find a therapist (see #2).
You deserve the extra TLC, Mama. You aren’t failing. You are a good mom. 

Quiz Disclaimer

The information provided on this page is for educational purposes only. The information and suggestions provided in this quiz and the results given are general in nature and should not be used as or substituted for professional medical or clinical advice. I do not accept responsibility for determining whether Mama’s Modern Villages products or services are appropriate for you and your health and wellbeing.